Friday, May 18, 2012

Birthdays and Baseball Bats

My birthday was a couple of days ago, pointing out not only the fact that I am another year older, but also that it has been a year since I last wrote on my blog…not for lack of time, or ideas, or desire.  Last year’s birthday was a wakeup call for me, and not exactly the kind that kicks you into high gear propelling you forward toward a new and better you, or the kind that empowers you with the resolve needed to climb your way out of the hole you’ve been trapped in, leading you to fresh air and a new perspective on life.  This “wakeup call” left me barely breathing for awhile, and when I came to, I found myself bleeding, bruised, dizzy, stumbling and then, after a bit of time had passed, grasping at the wind, desperately searching for something to grab onto so I could steady myself.  I was certain I had been struck on the side of the head with a baseball bat gripped by a World Series champion swinging for the fences.  I was minding my own business, living my life and WHAM!  First, a shock of breathtaking pain and then the thoughts, “Where the hell did that come from?” followed by, “I didn’t do anything to deserve that!”  That blow left me angry because I wasn’t even at the ballpark when it happened so “it shouldn’t have happened to me.”  Or so I thought…
Time has passed and the passing of time often casts new light on your panorama making the view somehow different…possibly because some corners have never had light touch them before.  I am not one who resists taking a long hard look at herself, but even the most introspective of people can miss seeing truth when we fail to point light in the right direction.  And not just any light…but the Light.  The Light that only illuminates truth.  The Light that makes the way clear.  The Light that shines in the dark places to show you that you are not alone.  The Light that reflects the strength you have inside when you are certain you have none. The Light that exposes you to the joy you hoped existed, but feared was just a figment of your imagination.
Once I allowed the Light into some of my dark corners I had to accept that in reality I was in the ballpark when I was hit with the whammy.  I just hadn’t paused long enough to notice the change of venue…or maybe I just made of point of putting on some dark lenses when the truth dared to shine in my direction.  If I had seen what was coming would I have been able to alter my script and write myself a few chapters with happier, more fulfilling endings?  Maybe…or maybe not.  And that is not the point.  The point is a change of perspective is always the key to finding joy in spite of the runs scored against you.
I’m another year older and I really am wiser.  I am waking up each day with the desire to take a stock check of my life in all the nooks and crannies in light of the Light.  Maybe I wouldn’t have needed the Light so much if I hadn’t ended up in the ballpark trying to dodge fast balls and swinging bats.  And wouldn’t that have led to a greater loss, and a more tragic heartbreaking ending???  I think so…but that is just my perspective.

Hugs & Smooches,
Lisa Ann

This post was inspired by the word "perspective" suggested by The Gypsy Mama